Browsing articles in "Snark"

Database Design Throwdown, Texas Style

Jan 21, 2016   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Data Modeling, Database, Database Design, DLBlog, Events, Fun, Snark, Speaking, SQL Server  //  3 Comments

SQLSaturday #461 - Austin 2016

It’s a new year and I’ve given Thomas LaRock (@@sqlrockstar | blog ) a few months to recover and ramp up his training since our last Throwdown.  The trophies from all my wins are really cluttering my office and I feel back that Tom has not yet had a chance to claim victory.  So we will battling again in just a few days.

I’ll be dishing out the knowledge along with a handkerchief for Tom to wipe up his tears at SQL Saturday #461 Austin, TX on 30 January 2016.  This full day community-driven event features real database professionals giving free presentations on SQL Server and Data Platform topics.  All you need to do is register (again, it’s free) before all the tickets are gone.

Database Design Throwdown

Speaker(s):  Karen Lopez Thomas LaRock

Duration: 60 minutes

Track: Application & Database Development

Everyone agrees that great database performance starts with a great database design. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees which design options are best. Data architects and DBAs have debated database design best practices for decades. Systems built to handle current workloads are unable to maintain performance as workloads increase.Attend this new and improved session and join the debate about the pros and cons of database design decisions. This debate includes topics such as logical design, data types, primary keys, indexes, refactoring, code-first generators, and even the cloud. Learn about the contentious issues that most affect your end users and how to avoid them.

One of the other great benefits of attending these events is that you get to network with other data professionals who are working on project just like yours…or ones you will likely work on at some point.

Join us an other data pros to talk about data, databases and projects. And make sure you give a #datahug to Tom after the Throwdown. He’s gonna need it.

What Your Database Security Design….

Jul 15, 2015   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data Modeling, Database Design, DLBlog, Fun, Snark, WTF  //  3 Comments

…looks like to me.

Sure, you’ve got your own home-grown database security system all designed and working in development.  And then you ask me to confirm that it’s “safe”. I’ll tell ya “it’s safe as long as you don’t actually put any data in it”.

Hacking Database Design

Jul 14, 2015   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data Modeling, Database, Database Design, DLBlog, Fun, Snark, WTF  //  4 Comments

DBDesignAdaptor

I get asked to help teams increase the performance of their database (hint: indexes, query tuning and correct datatypes, in that order)  or to help the scale it out for increasing workloads.  But when I open it up to take a look, I see something that looks more like this meme.

All those cheats, workarounds and tricks they’ve used are going to make the engine optimizers work harder, make the tuning of queries that much harder and in the end it’s going to cost so much more to make it “go faster” or “go web scale”.

Where are the nail clippers in your data models and databases?

Yeah My Mama She Told Me Don’t Worry About Your JOINs

Dec 5, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Awesome, Blog, Data, Fun, NoSQL, Parody, Snark, WTF  //  1 Comment

BarbieBoutTheDataMed

(with apologies to Meghan Trainor)

Because you know
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data

Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t NoSQL
But I can love it, love it
Like I’m supposed to do
‘Cause I still got zoom zoom that in the database
With all the right facts in all the right places

I see the newbies are workin’ that drawing slop
We know that shit ain’t real
C’mon now, make it stop
If you got data models, just raise ’em up
‘Cause a Zachman Framework is perfect
From the bottom to the top

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your joins
She says, “Data likes a little quality to keep it right.”
You know I won’t be no schemafree denormal Barbie doll
So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data
Hey!

BarbieIT

I’m bringing quality facts
Go ahead and tell polyschematics that
Normalized data, I know you think it’s slow
But I’m here to tell ya
Transactional data’s perfect from the bottom to the top

Yeah my mama she told me don’t worry about your joins
She says, “Data likes a little quality to keep it right.”
You know I won’t be no schemafree denormal Barbie doll
If eventual consistency’s your thing then move along

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data
‘Bout the data, ’bout the data
Hey, hey, ooh
You know you love the data

Barbie 2010-12-30 002

I’m all ‘bout the data…

Dec 5, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Data Governance, Fun, Parody, Snark  //  No Comments

AllAboutTheData

#SQLPASS #SUMMIT14 #MVPSUMMIT Checklist–50 Things Not to Leave Behind

image

 

shared some of these on Twitter, but I decided to pull them all together in one place.  There’s be a lot of tips shared prior to these events, but I think these haven’t been covered nearly enough.

  1. Laptop Power cord
  2. Spare batteries
  3. USB charger ends
  4. VGA adapter/dongle
  5. Presentation clicker
  6. Presentation on thumb drive
  7.  Compassion for those with difficulties
  8.  Bravery to meet people in person
  9.  Spirit to lift others up
  10.  Daring to try something new
  11.  Firmness to speak up
  12.  Care for not insulting others
  13.  Humility to ask real questions
  14.  Talent to discourage Strutters
  15.  Expertise to think of audience, not self
  16.  Restraint not to sell from the podium
  17.  Civility to be nice to everyone, not just the celebs
  18.  Class not to spam the crowd
  19.  Excellence to understand that not everyone speaks English well.
  20.  Integrity to disclose your biases and affiliations
  21.  Professionalism not to cuss
  22.  Readiness to help others
  23.  Genuineness to show your real self
  24.  Trust that others want you to succeed
  25.  Diligence to keep your promises
  26.  Concern for others who have less experience than you
  27.  Coolness to get through tough discussions
  28.  Kindness for others
  29.  Goofiness to have fun
  30.  Self-discipline to take care of your body
  31.  Prudence to take care of your mind
  32.  Sincerity to admit your mistakes
  33.  Preparedness for your presentation.
  34.  Openness to constructive feedback
  35.  Honesty to admit “I do not know”
  36.  Expertise to answer questions
  37.  Mindfulness to know when you are not helping
  38.  Charity for others who disagree with you
  39.  Expertise to know when to not try to answer questions
  40.  Empathy for others
  41.  Respect for self
  42.  Wisdom to know that you can’t have self respect without empathy for others
  43.  Forethought to pack well
  44.  Vigilance to call out bullying and disrespect
  45.  Courage to meet others who are different than you
  46.  Strength to deal
  47.  Moderation to get to tomorrow
  48.  Stamina for long days
  49.  Thankfulness for volunteers and staff
  50.  Joy for cheering on others

What did I forget on this list?

It’s Just a Hardware Problem…

Jul 16, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Fun, Snark  //  No Comments

image

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