Browsing articles in "WTF"

How Deep is My Non-Love? Nested Dependencies and Overly Complex Design

Dec 4, 2017   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data Modeling, Database, Database Design, SQL Server, WTF  //  No Comments

Relational databases have this nifty concept of objects (just things, not code objects) being dependent upon other things.  Sometimes those dependencies exist due to foreign key constraints, others via references to other things.  One example of the latter can be found in VIEWs.  A database VIEW is an object that references TABLEs or other VIEWS.  Of course, if that VIEW references other VIEWs, then that view must reference TABLEs or another VIEW.  And it’s that or another VIEW that can get modelers into trouble.

I reviewed a database design that had massively dependent VIEWs.  How did I know that? I used a proper data modeling tool to look at all the dependencies for one central VIEW.  And this is what my data modeling tool showed me:

Data Model with hundreds of dependencies (lines) between a handful of objects (squares)

That diagram shows how ONE VIEW is related to a whole bunch of other VIEWs and TABLEs in that design.  In reviewing the model, I saw that many of the VIEWs appeared to be duplicates or had very high overlap of content with other VIEWs. 

How do VIEWs Like This Happen?

There are many reasons one would created a nested VIEW.  Like anything in a hierarchy, you could have objects that could be used independently and as part of a group on a regular basis.  But that only explains one level of a VIEW hierarchy (nest).   What about VIEWs that are nested dozens are levels deep?  And why would a database have such a complex design around one VIEW?  These are the most common reasons I run into bad practices with VIEWs:

  • Designers who don’t understand the massive performance loss for massively nested VIEWS
  • Designers who design for theory, not for real world data stories
  • Designers who have no idea they are referencing another VIEW when they design their VIEW
  • Designers who are following a worst practice of creating a VIEW for every report and every window in an application
  • Designers who don’t collaborate with other designers and create their own set of VIEWs and dependencies
  • Designers who are compensated for doing work fast and not well
  • Designers who use DDL to do design, therefore never seeing the complexity of their designs
  • Data Governance policies that let anyone create objects in a database
  • A team environment were “everyone is a generalist”.

I could go on.  While I can’t go into details here, in my review I recommended complete refactoring of this overly complex design.  It is my guess this complexity was contributing to performance problems experienced in this application.  I also recommended that professional designer was used to refactor other issues with the database design.  I have no idea if this happened.  But I doubted that this application was going to meet its large scale web application goals.

Why Am I Sharing This?

Because so many design issues I find in reviews have the same causes for performance and data quality issues I’ve listed above.  I find that not using a real data modeling or design tool is the main contributing factor.  There’s a reason why physical world architects and engineers use drawings and architectural diagrams. Models are also how they make modifications successful to the items they build.

Yes, physical objects are different than software/application/database objects. My position is that these latter objects need models at least as much as buildings and devices do.  We need tools to reverse engineer objects, to view the dependencies, to search, and to assess.  In other words, to model.  Engineering data solutions requires engineering tools like data modeling tools.  And, yes, data engineers to understand how to use those tools and how to model out the unnecessary complexity.

Confusing Community with Sales

May 23, 2016   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Ethics, Events, Professional Development, Speaking, SQL Server, WTF  //  23 Comments

Litter Box Marketing

There have been some blog posts floating around about a new PASS Summit policy.  Most of the posts have been either misleading or ill-informed about why this new rule came about.  Last year there was a sh*tshow of bad marketing and sales practices:

  • Two vendors did a bulk drop of branded promotional items in the Community Zone.  They literally turned an area intended to be about chapters, networking, and #SQLFamily into a their own company litter box.
  • A vendor lefts stacks of promotional items on booths of sponsors in the exhibit areas.  Yes, a vendor who did not pay to sponsor the event used the booths that other vendors paid for to attempt to distribute their marketing materials.
  • I heard of other things happening from sponsors, but did not witness them.  They were right along the lines of those two things above.

So PASS has come out with a new rule about exchanging stuff at the PASS Summit.  They are now going to attempt to limit exchanges to business cards only.  I think this is way too specific of a rule definition, but unlike the other bloggers, instead of making this a post about how awful the board is, I’m going to offer up win-win-win alternatives below.

Some of the comments on these posts have been made in an attempt to soften the “guerrilla marketing” bad behaviours I mentioned.  They claim that the board wants to limit small, personal exchanges of gifts like ribbons and stickers, both very common conference exchanges.  In the space community, these also include mission patches and pins. I don’t believe the board wants that, but they have certainly put that in writing.

First, the rule right now only applies to speakers. I’m not sure if it applies to attendees, but I’d want any such rules to apply to everyone at the event.

Feral Cats and What’s That Smell?

The issue isn’t about personal exchanges of gifts. The issue, as all of us know here but are pretending we don’t, is the literal carpet bombing of commercial collateral, including promotional, branded swag in community areas, empty session rooms, empty tables, restrooms, hallways, charging areas, etc.  I do not support the claims that this type of feral-cat like spraying of vendor materials is “Community over Sponsors” behaviours. It’s about sales over members. Don’t kid yourself. Consultants are vendors. InfoAdvisors is a vendor. I’m a vendor at these events because I work for a vendor.

Consultants are vendors. InfoAdvisors is a vendor. I’m a vendor at these events because I work for a vendor.

All that spraying smells. It’s only community if your business belongs in a back alley. It’s only community if you think of attendees as “prospective invoices”.  It’s all litter box marketing.

That isn’t about gifts. It’s not about community.

And what has happened is that the “arms race” mentioned in one post has now become such an embarrassment to the community that our professional association has had to step in and make a rule.

Update: One vendors claims that the sponsors asked him to drop swag on their tables.  “it just looks like litter boxing” (paraphrased). The two events I witnessed involved the sponsors throwing the swag in the garbage and asking “WTH was that?”  I’m going to guess that “being invited to give out swag at the booths” is a giant misunderstanding.  Ha ha. : ).

The New Rule Isn’t Right

I agree that the limiting to business cards is a unacceptable way to draw the line on this “I don’t see you all as community but as potential invoices” behaviours. But the real fault is on the people who need to have the event as a “sell-first, avoid you later” event.

Saying they can’t afford to have a booth isn’t accurate. It’s affordable.   Many smaller vendors have booths at SQL Saturdays and at the big show.  It’s very affordable, especially if you share with other vendors.  Which is a great way to have a booth because who wants to man/woman/kitten a booth for the entire conference?

Should you have to have a booth to exchange stickers or ribbons? No.  But when sponsors get other people’s swag dropped on their booths, or when the community zone becomes a porta-potty for marketing materials, we’ve lost our path.  No matter what someone tells you, that’s not community. It’s seeing our event not as a Connect. Share. Learn. event. It’s about seeing our event as a Speak and Sell event.

Blame for the new rule goes 100% to the folks who did these things.  Okay, maybe I’ll blame the board 10% for coming with a new rule that isn’t quite a win-win-win solution.

This Ain’t the Tea Party

If you think telling sponsors “we’ll take your money, but others can turn the community zone into their own “rogue exhibit hall” is good conferences sales point, I suggest we just give away exhibit booths and charge everyone the real price it costs to put this on.   I’m guessing that registration will cost about the same as a 7-day cruise.  Or it will be like a local user group meeting, with fewer people.   Austerity might be your political stance.  Telling people to just change jobs if their employer won’t pay $7k for them to attend Summit is a nonstarter.

The fact of the matter is that community events the size of Summit (thousands) can’t happen without sponsors.  Ensuring that sponsors get what they pay for is not “putting sponsors over the needs of attendees”.  It’s about running an event that is affordable and sustainable.  Sure, it’s a balance.  But pretending that somehow non-sponsoring vendors should be allowed to use sponsor resources for their own needs is naïve at best.  At worst, it’s painting the situation as being something it is not.

Data.  Get Your Data Right.

It’s misleading to say that these rules happened because PASS wants to cater to sponsors over community. A few overly-greedy, it’s-all-about-money people have caused this. Focus your ammo on the right malicious “users” of PASS.

What I Want the Rule to Be

I’ve talked to board members and PASS staff.  This is what I want the rule to be.  I think it’s a win-win-win for attendees, consultant and sponsors.

 

Personal, one-on-one exchanges of low-cost items like the ones below should be allowed and even encouraged.

  • Stickers
  • business cards
  • patches
  • buttons & pins
  • temp tattoos
  • ribbons
  • candy
  • stamps
  • etc.

 

I don’t care if those things have your name, your favourite tagline, your picture, your cat-owner’s photo, or your logo.  They key here is one-on-one, personal exchanges of low-value, often fun, things.  I also don’t want to have a detailed list.  People love to have a check box set of rules, but that just leads to people finding loopholes.  Heck, I love sharing space swag at non-space events. Especially collectibles that are older than most of the attendees.

Update: What do I mean by exchanges?  I mean giving out these low-cost items in trade for the other person’s similar item or for some other value.  One year at EDW I asked people to tell me they “loved their data” to get a ribbon.  Hearing people say that was a small but important value to me. I may have done that at Summit one year as well.  The key is these are still one-on-one exchanges. And none of them happened from the podium.  Selling while presenting should be a paid session.

Ribbons, stickers, stamps are all part of the geek community and I want that to continue to be a part of Summit.

 

Bulk distributions of marketing materials, flyers, branded materials should require some sort of sponsorship level.  As should the distribution of more expensive swag, cars, real tattoos, kittens, and $20 bills.

Distribution of items on sponsor booths without their permission should not be allowed.  Bulk distribution on the exhibit floor without being a sponsor or in the Community Zone should not be allowed.

 

The Community Zone Should Be a Sales-free Zone

The Community Zone should be sales-free, as far as I’m concerned. It’s the violation of this rule that I think should cause people not to be invited back to the event.  Attendees should have one area where they aren’t treated like invoices.  Having to put this into a rule makes me sad. People should just understand this is how life works.

Maybe we need a $500 sponsorship level for those vendors whose business is doing so poorly they can’t afford a booth.  Or for independent consultants.  Again, this is for people and organizations that want to do mass distribution of marketing materials and collateral, not personal exchanges.

A professional association should indeed help all members be great at what they do.  Whether they are consultants, software vendors, contractors, full- or part-time employees, retired, whatever.  But that doesn’t mean that a professional association event must provide a sales opportunity in every part of the event.

This proposal is a win-win-win because attendees can keep doing what we’ve always done.  Vendors can still do their sales things, but appropriately.  Vendor sponsors can keep getting value out of their sponsorship dollars without some on other vendor being a feral cat and bragging how “sponsoring a booth is stupid when you can just do guerrilla marketing.”  Our sponsors are part of our community, too.  In fact, organizations can be members of PASS if the sign up.

Finally…

The world does have bigger problems.  But the posts that have been coming out have not been giving the full picture, nor have they offered up a balanced solution. I think it’s good that this year several people came forward to complain to the board that the stuff people have been doing has crossed a line.   It may not really be an “arms race”. But is has been escalating.  Houston, we’ve had a problem. It stinks. It’s time to fix it.  Let’s all work together to get it right, before the urine smell kills the whole event.  If you have other ideas, I’d love to hear them.

This is some of the feedback I got for speaking up.
I’ve never attended a SQL Saturday Ottawa yet (there’s always been a scheduling conflict). I was not in Ottawa that day. I was at a NASA Armstrong Teacher Educator event.

This is how nasty this whole discussion as become. A vendor took a bunch of my tweets over the last year, some about these behaviours, some about my dislike of the things that Mr. Trump says, and some about God knows what else and made a video saying I’m mean. Then this video became a facebook post on the vendor’s own Facebook wall.

.Never Been to Ottawa.

A few people spoke up and this commenter deleted his comment after a while. The vendor did not delete it. The commenter did.  Remember this when you are thinking about win-win-win solutions. This is what’s at stake. This why bad behaviour leads to more bad behaviour. I’ll still keep blogging about it. And people will still comment on ME instead of the issue.Its what is broken with our community. Talk about bad behaviours, not people.

What Your Database Security Design….

Jul 15, 2015   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data Modeling, Database Design, DLBlog, Fun, Snark, WTF  //  3 Comments

…looks like to me.

Sure, you’ve got your own home-grown database security system all designed and working in development.  And then you ask me to confirm that it’s “safe”. I’ll tell ya “it’s safe as long as you don’t actually put any data in it”.

Hacking Database Design

Jul 14, 2015   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data Modeling, Database, Database Design, DLBlog, Fun, Snark, WTF  //  4 Comments

DBDesignAdaptor

I get asked to help teams increase the performance of their database (hint: indexes, query tuning and correct datatypes, in that order)  or to help the scale it out for increasing workloads.  But when I open it up to take a look, I see something that looks more like this meme.

All those cheats, workarounds and tricks they’ve used are going to make the engine optimizers work harder, make the tuning of queries that much harder and in the end it’s going to cost so much more to make it “go faster” or “go web scale”.

Where are the nail clippers in your data models and databases?

Yeah My Mama She Told Me Don’t Worry About Your JOINs

Dec 5, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Awesome, Blog, Data, Fun, NoSQL, Parody, Snark, WTF  //  1 Comment

BarbieBoutTheDataMed

(with apologies to Meghan Trainor)

Because you know
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data

Yeah, it’s pretty clear, I ain’t NoSQL
But I can love it, love it
Like I’m supposed to do
‘Cause I still got zoom zoom that in the database
With all the right facts in all the right places

I see the newbies are workin’ that drawing slop
We know that shit ain’t real
C’mon now, make it stop
If you got data models, just raise ’em up
‘Cause a Zachman Framework is perfect
From the bottom to the top

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your joins
She says, “Data likes a little quality to keep it right.”
You know I won’t be no schemafree denormal Barbie doll
So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data
Hey!

BarbieIT

I’m bringing quality facts
Go ahead and tell polyschematics that
Normalized data, I know you think it’s slow
But I’m here to tell ya
Transactional data’s perfect from the bottom to the top

Yeah my mama she told me don’t worry about your joins
She says, “Data likes a little quality to keep it right.”
You know I won’t be no schemafree denormal Barbie doll
If eventual consistency’s your thing then move along

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data

Because you know I’m
All about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data, no trouble
I’m all about the data
‘Bout the data
‘Bout the data, ’bout the data
Hey, hey, ooh
You know you love the data

Barbie 2010-12-30 002

Holiday Pairings with DBMSs & Datastores – Part I

Nov 26, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Data, Database, DLBlog, Fun, NoSQL, Parody, WTF  //  1 Comment

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving weekend in the US and the rest of the world is thinking about how much MORE WORK we are going to accomplish while our American teammates are stuffing themselves with Tofurky and mashed potatoes….what?…hold on…. Oh, right. Turkey and a box of wine that someone’s sister got for a great deal at a Piggly Wiggly last June and has been saving it in the trunk of her car for her boozy in-laws (that would be YOU!).

This got me thinking about what sorts of holiday beverages the rest of us should be pairing with our database management systems and datastores. I have to say datastores because some pretentious people data professionals insist that database means relational database. Of course, those of us old experienced enough know that there were databases long before Ted Codd had that wild road trip with his friends  Raoul and Dr. Gonzo and discovered  developed the relational model for shared data banks.

So while the Yanks are dipping into their third helping of candied yams with marshmallows on top, we in the rest of the world can be productive. But since we aren’t in the US no one will think us odd for supplementing  our work with appropriate hydration products. To help you out, I’m recommending holiday beverage pairings based on what data technology you are touching over the next four days. Four blissful days of the most productive work week of the year.

Comma Separated Values Files (CSV files)

Moonshine in Ball Jar. Chris Herbert.

CSVs were the original data hipster, before XML became cool. It was text. In a file. On a disk, with magnets, that spun around. Your data might be comma-delimited or length delimited…it doesn’t really matter.  It’s text and anything you want to do with it you have to do by hand. So obviously, these data formats pair well with moonshine, the homemade booze of choice in most of the US. This data could also pair well with bathtub gin, but only if the bathtub is clean enough. Typically not an option, therefore, for DBAs and most of the rest of us in IT.

Excel

For Excel I’m going to split the pairings based on vintage year of release.  Excel is the perfect candidate. Let’s not kid each other here: business are run on spreadsheets, not databases (Ed. – I don’t think you can say that Me:  It’s my blog and besides that I’m drinking, I mean sampling, all these pairings. In other words, I may or may not be drunk already).

That means that Excel is everyone’s real data storage solution of choice, so it pairs well with the common denominator beer of choice, Budweiser. It’s cheap, there’s always some in the fridge, and it works, for the most part. So for Microsoft Excel 2003 and earlier, this Bud’s for you. The working man.  The typing women.  Yes, you.

Excel + Power BI

image

But with the release of Excel 2013 and self-serve BI via the Power…wait, hold on…. let me look up to see if it has a space or not…okay, there’s a space today….Power BI, Excel gets a bit more kick. Power Query, Power View, Power Pivot, Power Stuff, really. We’ll need the picante version of Budweiser Chelada. A chelada is beer plus Clamato. Clamato is tomato juice mixed with clam juice. The spicier version is Chelada Picante, so Budweiser + Tomato Juice + Clam Juice + salt + lime + chili peppers. Phew! I need an Excel slice and bad pie chart to show this. But I’m too busy drinking. This isn’t to say that Excel plus Power BI isn’t a great BI tool framework, but if it’s your datastore, you’ll need more booze in the morning. And like its primo the Bloody Mary, a Chelada makes for a great 7 AM meeting drink.

Oracle

Glenfiddich 50

Ah. Now we are on to the expensive stuff. Larry has to fund his yachts some way (Yes, that joke is getting old. But I’m drinking, so it’s okay. I mean sampling, so it’s okay.) Again, we need to factor in various versions of the Oracle suite (Presidential Suite, I should say) of products.

 

Exadata

For Exadata, I recommend this lovely 50 year old scotch. At about $30,000 a bottle, this is the equivalent of about one licensing core with no add-ons. It’s older than Oracle itself, but 50 is the new 25. So I hear.

It’s perfect for you and your sales guy to share. In the Presidential Suite. Of a club. but the price point seems spot on for the work you’ll be doing and the rate you should be charging.  You are charging Oracle rates, aren’t you?

Oracle Enterprise Edition

For Oracle Enterprise Edition, nothing beats a XO Cognac. With hints of rose petals, tobacco and leather, it’s going to feel just like it did when you signed that license agreement on your date with the Oracle sales guy. (Ed. – I don’t think you can say that. Me: I just did. And I’m drinking. You, editor, have never had to date an Oracle salespro as part of your assigned project duties and these pairing samples aren’t going to drink themselves.) The good news is that this comes with fine Baccarat Crystal glasses (aff link). They are free, until you use them. After you use them, of course you will have to pay for support on the glasses, at 23% of list price per annum.

Oracle Standard Edition

hennessy0.jpg

With Oracle Standard Edition, I recommend a  pint of Hennessy with a silicone flask cover to ensure you have a good grip on your booze and yourself. Both the Hennessy and Standard Edition fit “affordable and full featured”, if by full featured they mean “keeps you warm in the data centre”. If you are using Standard Edition, you can’t afford those grown up bottles yet because they aren’t paying you Larry rates. Plus the silicone will remind you of… (Ed.- STOP.  Right there.  Just STOP.  Me: Okay!!! {shhh…I may refactor this when my editor is sleeping off his turkey.})

Sybase

File:Honey-Fruit-Mead-Brewing.jpg

Oh, the father of SQL Server, sort of.  At least they have a common ancestor in the evolution of databases.  Do people use this DBMS anymore?  I’m so old experienced that I can remember when Sybase was called SQL Server 6.5 (Ed. – I don’t think that’s true.  Me: Shhh..don’t yell so loud. I’m sampling here.  And I’ve lost my Glog.  Mead…whatever.)

If you are supporting this DBMSs, I recommend mead. Because your Sybase DBA has been around so long it was probably his first drink. Don’t get me wrong: fruit, alcohol, honey – it’s all good stuff.   If you use Sybase as a special one-off DBMS to support a vendor package, I recommend a can of Redbull and a shot of whatever you find under the sink in Executive washroom.  Even if it’s a cleaning product. Maybe add a teaspoon of honey.

DB2

File:Burning Manhattan Cocktail.png

Ah, DB2. One of the first fully relational databases (Sorry, Ted) I ever worked with. I’d have to say that this classic DBMS, in mainframe, client server and whatever zombie hellspawn we classify AS/400 Power i as will always be close to my heart.  I want to go old school here, but still classy, so I’m going to recommend a Manhattan. Who can’t love rye (“Canadian whisky”), sweet vermouth and a cherry? Really, this is the only “manly” drink that legitimately requires a cherry.  For the Power i series, I’ll have to go a bit more retro and recommend that you just pick up some fallen fruit in your office parking lot.  It’s probably well fermented at this time of year.

 

SQL Server

image

SQL Server 2008 R2D2 and earlier
I recommend here Tito’s Vodka in airline bottles. Prior to version 2012, SQL Server was primarily licensed with a server + CALS licensing scheme. You bought a server license, plus CALs for each user/device/whatever your salesperson said needed a license.  I like Tito’s vodka. It’s good and affordable. Plus I can buy airline bottles of it on the plane which helps me with portion control, much like those 100 calorie snack packs of Oreos one eats to lose weight. So I’m told. FYI: a good flight attendant cuts you off after 6 of these little bottles. A bad one cuts you off after two. A fantastic flight attendant says "Oh, did I give you your 6 bottles already? No? Okay, have these." The same thing worked well with CALs – the more you had the happier everyone one was.  It was easy to plan for new servers because this is the way it had always been done. But now….

image

Then along came SQL Server 2012 and a new licensing model. CALs were gone and core licensing came along. That means magnum 6+ litre-sized bottles of vodka for everyone! But not everyone can afford to fill those magnum bottles to the top with high-priced vodka. The good news is if you’ve already purchased giant bottles, you can pour out a few core’s worth of liquid to save money. Then cry about the room in the bottle that could be filled with vodka but isn’t.  In the long run, the new licensing model is simpler.  But for now, you might just have to live with less kick until you can right-size your servers.

Microsoft Windows Azure SQL Database Azure SQL DB

SNAGHTML6f6584

I’m not even sure what the brand name for cloud products are any more.  It’s not just Microsoft, either.  I figure since there are no boxes of DVDs to ship around, brand names change on a whim.  Just like trends in database design.  For Microsoft Azure cloud-based databases and datastores the good news is that you can just pay as you drink. Just like at your local bar. You don’t have to do much – most of the administration and maintenance is taken care of for you.  At work home I recommend you purchase a Star Trek Replicator and order a Blue Cloud cocktail every time you create a database. The good news is you can also have them delivered. This is known as Cocktail as a Service (CaaS). You need to go put this into your cloud budget request now, before we hit year end. Do it now.

Finally…

These pairings are based on my experiences purchasing, renting, and borrowing these technologies.  Your mileage may vary.  If so, I’d love to hear about it below.  And yes, I have more pairings coming soon about other data formats and databases (Ed. – Please promise me you aren’t going to write about NoSQL datab…datastores.  Me: I promise {I will}).

Thanks to my co-samplers & writers Joey D’Antoni (blog | @jdanton ), Karen’s Whisky (@karens_whisky) and Thomas LaRock (blog | @sqlrockstar)  You should follow them because they know booze and snark.

You might also like: 5 Things to Do to Help Your Family’s Tech Ecosystem Over the Holidays with Pairings

Yet Another Odd Job Criterion

Aug 26, 2014   //   by Karen Lopez   //   Blog, Careers, Database, DLBlog, Interviewing, Professional Development, WTF  //  3 Comments

I’ve seen this a few times.  I’d like to think it just a cut-and-paste error, or someone doing alcohol-driven job postings, but I’m guessing these sorts of things are used to, let’s say, target certain candidates.

 

image

Here’s a blurb from another posting, courtesy of a government contractor:

 

image

But if you think Business Analysts have it bad, look to see what this upstate NY retailer thinks they need in a Data Analyst

image

And don’t get me started on someone looking to hire a Data Analyst to be a a “Data Cop” for $35k a year. I don’t care how “generous” the benefits are.

Here are the rest of those Data Analyst job requirements:

image

He-men Only

I don’t see anything in the job description that requires the ability to lift 70 pounds frequently. I can only guess is helping move the bodies.

When recruiters issue silly job postings, this is a major sign that they aren’t serious about the posting.  Just give them a pass.

And ladies, start doing bicep curls and push ups. You are going to have a difficult time meeting that requirement without weight training. But perhaps that’s the point after all.  All that data stuff is really hard work.

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